Friday, November 10, 2006

Culture of Corruption, My Ass!

The Democrats did not win on Tuesday.



I sure showed that mocha-chocolatte sweetie that Tom DeLay is back AND stronger than ever. Can you believe I was able to pull off the interview after five shots of Jaeger? Yeah, I rock. Suck on that you Chi-Com Islamo-Fascist Defeatocrats!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I'd Like To Thank The Academy


Oh yeah, I'm a shoe-in for the Oscar for Best Actor

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Jacking Off with Jack in the Box



First the bastard shows up to court dressed like Al Capone.



Then today he shows up looking like Pete Rose.

Yo Abe, if you mention anything about me and you banging those sweatshop workers in a hot tub in the Northern Marianas, then you are done!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Rub The Face For Good Luck



That's me with Marta. She looooves rubbing my face.

Me loooove the ladies.

Friday, December 16, 2005

The Hammer Keeps On Pounding

Fuck yeah, I smashed those pinkos good.

Well my faithful followers, I am back for a brief update. I apologize for my absence but I have been out battling the evil forces of Ronnie Earl and his liberal Satan-worshipping communists. My battles have paid off. I have been highly successful in my efforts, so successful that the judge dismissed one of the baseless charges that Ronnie "I Suck Cock" Earl lobbed against me.

President Bush (God bless his holy soul) categorically stated that he believes I am innocent. If the president said it then it MUST be true, right? Remember all the things President Bush told our nation about Iraq--how Saddam possessed a nuclear, chemical and biological arsenal that could wipe out an American city within 45 minutes? How he had ties to Al Qaeda and was training terrorists on Iraqi soil? Well, all that stuff turned out to be--oh, wait, nevermind. So he was wrong about a few of the details. But hey, we're making progress over there in Iraq, so no sweat.

Trust me, you can believe the president when he says that TOM DELAY IS INNOCENT. Because I done no wrong. Alright my peeps, I'm off to the Northern Marianas to go bang some Asian sex slaves in a hot tub full of Green Jello.

Peace out, bitches!

Monday, October 24, 2005

I Found The MoveOn.org T-Shirt

Judge Perkins bought the following T-Shirt from MoveOn.org. He currently wears this T-Shirt underneath his robe everyday in court:



Judge Perkins must be removed from my case in order for me to receive a fair trial! These MoveOn.org T-Shirts are downright slanderous! I would never make such a horrible face if I was butt raped. I'd probably enjoy it.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Everybody Loves Tom DeLay!


Just look at the pro-Tom headlines. I really faked them out with my smiling mugshot!

And now the Liberal Media is starting to report the twuth about Ronnie Earl and Judge Perkins:

Thank heavens that pop-star bitch turned white-trash mother was arrested. She can take her Kabbalah and stick it where the sun don't shine! The power of Tom has been unleashed. No liberal can stop me now!

Viva La Tom!

tag:

Friday, October 21, 2005

Judge Bob Perkins Is An Activist Judge

It's true. Judge Bob Perkins is a left-wing tyrant who practices judicial activism. He is the very reason I have been campaigning against judicial activism in our nations courts. These judges go after innocent patriots like yours truly and crucify them in the liberal media. I've said it before, but I'll say it again: Fuck the judges!

Perkins had donated money to MoRON.org, a communist organization that sells T-shirts with my mug shot on it! That is why Judge Perkins should be taken off the case. You better watch it Perkins or else Zell Miller might challenge you to a duel.

Tommy Boy Loves The Ladies!

Check out these two Republican hotties that just looooove me:



I just want to thank Miss Atlas Shrugs and Michelle Magalang for their support over these past few difficult months. Their hardcore librul-bashing and support of yours truly really turns me on. Hey girls, you want to jump in the hot tub with Tommy Boy this weekend? Miss Shrugs, please do wear that SuperGirl outfit.

Liberal America-Hating Media Speaks The Truth!

MSNBC: Smiling DeLay photo no help to Democrats



I told you that you can't stop the Hammer! Keep on trying but you'll just keep on losing.

You Democrats make me sick. You deserve to be sprayed with insecticide!

I'm An Austin-American!

Some little commie blogger decided to go stake out my Austin Courthouse appearance this morning. Hey Lindsay, why don't you go do what Dick Cheney told Patrick Leahy to do to himself. You little whiny blogger!

Then there's some loser that calls himself Blogenfreude who likes to photo-shop pictures of yours truly. You want a piece of me? You can't handle the raw power of the Hammer you little pinko New York City boy! Then there's other bloggers who take glee in showing my mugshot.

I have a message for all you silly liberals so listen up close. You really think you can stop the Hammer? There’s no chance in hell! I have legions of Murka-loving, librul-hating supporters that will crush you bastards! Once we topple the liberal media and exterminate the Democrats we will unleash the Glorious Christian Cultural Revolution...then and only then you will all suffer the wrath of the Lord.

Zieg heil, bitches!

Tommy D, out!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Live Blogging From The Sheriff's Office

They got me . . .



The Hammer will strike again my friends.

The Hammer will strike again.

The Good Old Days

When I find myself in times of trouble, I tend to find comfort in reminiscing about the good old days. I've done a lot during the 58 years of my life. I have a feeling that my days of fun and games are about to end. My only request is that my future prison guards be kind to me and give me ample supply of KY Jelly.

When I was younger I was a follower of Haile Selassie. I can't stand all that reggae music shit, but I was a fan of Emporer Selassie's anti-communism. Here's a photo of me and Emporer Selassie back in the 1970s:



I acquired a love for country music back when I used to play with Hank Williams' kids. Here's a photo of me as child with the Williams family:



Those were good times. It makes me sad to think that my entire world is going to come crashing down. Hell, I've still got a few hours, so I'm gonna make the best of it. I'm gonna make it as hard as possible for that damn Ronnie Earl to find me.

So Ronnie, why don't we settle this like men--like Texans! I'll meet you at the Circle K on 18th Street in Austin. Mano e mano...OK Corral style! Are you man enough to take me Earl? Are ya?

Day Two, The Life Of A Fugitive

The liberal media is saying that today is "Booking Day" for yours truly. Not so fast you Murka-hating, terrorist-supporting, commie-loving pinkos! I'm still on the run. I chilled at Rummy's place last night. I'm not sure where I'm headed now but thanks to the prayers and divinations of my faithful zombie supporters I have come this far.

Here's a cheer to the real heroes--my faithful constituents. God bless you and may the Lord strike down all my earthly opponents with a furious wrath of holy justice.



Zieg heil, bitches!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I'm On The Run...And I Need Your Help!

Those fucking bastards:


HOUSTON (Reuters) - An arrest warrant was issued on Wednesday and bail set at $10,000 for former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay ahead of his scheduled court appearance this week in Austin, Texas for money laundering and conspiracy charges, a Texas court clerk said. The so-called "capias" was a "purely procedural event" but would require DeLay to turn himself into authorities to be fingerprinted and photographed, Travis County Grand Jury Clerk Linda Estrada said.


They think that they can frog-march me? They better think again! I'm on the run, bitches! Now I need your help. Do any of you God-fearing, Murka-loving patriots want to provide a safe house for me? Just hang a dead lamb outside your door so I know it's safe to enter.

The left-wing communist conspiracy to sap and impurify my bodily fluids is intent on publicly humiliating me and branding me as a criminal. This aggression will not stand! I will not stand for the criminalization of politics! These left-wing socialist moonbats will stop at nothing to slander me with their baseless, hopeless claims. Damn you all, damn you all to hell!

Please help. I'm counting on all of you. Please sign my petition or make a contribution towards the Tom DeLay drive to publicly flog and hang Ronnie Earl.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

FUCK YOU RONNIE EARL!!!

My New Website

Greetings Friends,

As you probably know, the very partisan liberal communist terrorist supporter--Travis County D.A.--recently manufactured a phony indictment against me that is based on charges from the 2002 Texas State House elections. These charges are groundless and false. I am completely innocent. Corporate money laundering is not a crime! I was merely doing the peoples' business!

Just as Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison and other public officials have defeated similar attacks from this D.A., I will prove his allegations are baseless and without merit. Despite this partisan distraction, I will continue to represent my own interests and fight for the interests of our blessed corporate kleptocracy. I hope you’ll take a moment now to read more about exactly what is happening and why. Thank you for visiting and I look forward to keeping you up to date on our fight this evil pinko DA.

Sincerely,

Thomas "The Hammer" DeLay

Monday, October 03, 2005

I'm Still Here Folks

Now that I am no longer the acting House Majority Leader, I have some free time to spend on my blog. First of all, let me say that Ronnie Earl is a major dickhead! He is a complete partisan hack who is hellbent on destroying my prestigious career. Second, the liberal media has crucified me by spreading lies about my fundraising efforts with TRMPAC. Third, Jack Abramoff is still my homie no matter what the liberal media says about him. He taught me the joys of Asian sex-slave trading and that is something that I can never repay him for.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

A Call for Support

I blame the Democrats for my problems. There is a vast left-wing conspiracy out to get me. This is the same vast left-wing conspiracy that wants to teach your children that humans evolved from monkeys. They want to take God out of our schools forever! They desire to kill baby Jesus and sacrifice your children in the name of Satan.

I want to thank Senator Trent Lott for supporting me. His racism has always been an inspiration to me. When he said that the power of prayer is the only thing that could sustain me, it brought a tear to my eye. The last thing that brought a tear to Tommy Boy's eye was the sight of Jeff Gannon's eight inches.

I urge all Republicans to stand by me or else face the wrath of John Negroponte's death squads.

Oh, and Fuck the Judges!

Monday, April 11, 2005

The Contract with America Redux

As House Majority Leader I have updated the Contract with America for the 21st century. Here ya go bitches!

As Republican hustla of tha hizouse of representatizzles n as citizens seek'n ta join tizzy body we propose not jizzy ta change its policies, but even more important, ta restore tha bonds of trizzust between tha thugz n they elected representatizzles. thizzay be wizzy in this era of official evasion n ridin' we offa instead a detailed agenda fo` national renewal, a written commitment wit no fine print.

This year offas tha chance, bitch four decades of one-party control, ta bring ta tha hizouse a new majority tizzle will transform tha way congress works. that historic change would be tha end of government thizzay be too big, too intrusive, n too eazy wit tha publics money. it can be tha beginn'n of a congress that respects tha values n shares tha faith of tha american family.

Like Lincoln, our fizzirst Republizzle president, we intend ta act "wit firmness in tha right, as God gives us ta see tha right." To restore accountability ta Congress . know what im sayin?. To end its cycle of scandal n disgrace. To makes us all proud again of tha way free thugz govern themselves.

Friday, April 08, 2005

My 58th Birthday!

Today is my birthday. I am 58 years old. I can't believe that I have been around this long. I still feel like a young boy at times, especially when I play in the hot tub with my friends. My friends RJ Reynolds, the Indian Casinos and those other guys who paid for all of my wonderful family trips. Keep the cash comin' boys if you want your legislation passed!

For my birthday the family and I went to Chuckie Cheese's. I loved playing in the colored balls and ate a whole pizza by myself. I got my picture taken with Chuckie the Mouse and won about 100 tickets! Yay!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Hillary in 2008?


Not if I can help it! I won't let that contemptable hairpie foil my plans for world domination. She lets Saddam and Osama give it to her doggy-style. I will not let America come to that. The only person that Osama is allowed to fuck is President Bush goddammit!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

My Previous Line of Work


Hello friends and constituents! Did you know that before I joined Congress to represent the 22nd district of Texas I was an exterminator? That's right! I have loads of experience squashing bugs. I am going to apply that experience to squash the judiciary. I originally joined Congress so that I could repeal the laws which limited me from using dangerous poisons on children. There's nothing better than testing bug spray on children. I sure hope that the EPA goes through with their plans to spray kids in Florida!

My plans to reign in the liberal judges involves lots of bug spray. You must be careful and use it wisely or else you will blow up your entire house like this moron.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Judicial Tyrants

These judges think they run the show? Well they are DEAD WRONG. Tom DeLay runs the show in this shiznit. He can fo-shizzle his way out of anything!

We must take the battle to the enemy--mainly, the liberal media and the out of control judges. I have been living for and working for this my entire career. To have a Senate that can pass legislation and the incredible moral leadership of the President matched up with the House is a dream come true. We are now in a position to spread the basic tenets of the Republican agenda: Security, prosperity and family.

Security without strong economy is impossible and we want to double the economy in the next 10 years. I favor a national sales tax in place of the existing income tax. Then, we will become a tax haven for the world.

Supporting marriage as between man and a woman is how you control families. Fighting pornography is another. Fighting back judicial activism is the next. We have unaccountable, out of control judiciary. We are after them. We will crush them.

The Constitution gives us the responsibility to create our own courts. If we can create them, we can uncreate them. Nobody is asking the President to do anything illegal. We simply want to impeach the liberal judges and replace them with judges who have been firmly indoctrinated by my Christo-Fascist Zombie Brigade.

Justice is coming...Texas style (with a rope).

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Having Fun in the House!


That's me with Uncle Dick laughing about how we fucked the little people with our huge corporate tax cuts. I just love making pro-business legislation!

My Speech to the Christo-Fascist Zombie Brigade on Using Terri Schiavo for Political Gain

I have re-printed my speech in full. It is a sad day for America that Terri Schiavo died so soon. I was hoping she would stay alive longer so people wouldn't find out about my ethics problems. Oh well, I did make a deal with Satan and he promised that I won't have to resign from Congress even if I get in trouble.

This is critically important. I know you know that. It is more than Terri Schiavo. This is a critical issue for people in this position. And it is also a critical issue to fight the fight for life, whether it be euthanasia or abortion. And I tell you, ladies and gentleman, one thing that God has brought to us is Terri Schiavo, to elevate the visibility of what's going on in America. That Americans would be so barbaric as to pull a feeding tube out of a person that is lucid and starve them to death for two weeks. I mean, in America that's going to happen if we don't win this fight. And so it's bigger than any one of us, and we have to do everything that is in our power to save Terri Schiavo and anyone else that is in this kind of position.

And let me just finish with this. This is exactly the issue that is going on in America, of attacks against the conservative movement. Against me and against many others. The point is the other side has figured out how to win and defeat the conservative movement. And that is to go after people personally, charge them with frivolous charges, link that up with all these do-gooder organizations funded by George Soros and then get the national media on their side.

That whole syndicate that they have going on right now is for one purpose and one purpose only and that's to destroy the conservative movement. It's to destroy conservative leaders, not just in elected office but leading, I mean Ed Feulner today, at the Heritage Foundation, was under attack in the National Journal. I mean this is a huge nationwide concerted effort to destroy everything we believe in, and you need to look at this and what's going on and participate in fighting back.

You know one way they stopped churches from getting into politics was Lyndon Johnson who passed a law that said you couldn't get into politics or your gonna loose your tax exempt status because they were all opposed to him when he was running for president. That law we're trying to repeal, it's very difficult to do that, but the point is that when they can knock out a leader, then no other leader will step forward for a while, because they don't want to go through the same thing.

If they go after and get a pastor, then other pastors shrink from what they should be doing. It forces Christians back into the church and that's what's going on in America. The world is too bad, I'm gonna go get inside this building and I'm not gonna play in the world. That's not what Christ asked us to do. And so -- they understand that. It is a political maneuver and they are going to try to destroy the conservative movement and we have to fight back.

So, please, this afternoon, each and every one of you, if you know a senator, give them a call to get them to vote for the bill...

Friday, April 01, 2005

The Passion of Terri


These are some of the passionate protestors who came out to support Terri Schiavo by sporting Nazi flags, doing the goose-step march and holding signs that said "The Bush Brothers are Murderers". What sign is that fat kid holding up in the middle of the image?

Welcome to My Blog!

I am currently the victim of a vast left-wing conspiracy. I am asking the members of the blogosphere to aid me in my war against the judiciary and my left-wing opponents. Their goal is to destroy my career. They are evil cowards and bloodthirsty atheists. My armies of conservative Christian followers will stop at nothing to smash this left-wing conspiracy with my hammer of justice. Join me friends in the hot tub of uber-conservatism! Tom DeLay is here to stay! Boo-yah bitches!

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